Sunday, December 4, 2011

Lumps, bumps and scars

Leading tup to the removal of my port - I was excited. I felt like it as a big milestone having that thing out of my chest. I had a very quiet weekend, spending the weekend relaxing and thinking about the past two years. Over the weekend, I was having strong shooting pains in my head - like I was being stabbed in the head. After an x-ray and ultrasound, it was discovered that I had a lump in my thyroid - for which I had to have a biopsy.

It was a good thing that I was so busy at work, because I didn't have any capacity to think about it. I do not think about the cancer coming back, even when I went to the same place for the ultrasound and biopsy. It was even the same man who did the biopsy - and I did tell him that the last time he stuck a needle in me, it was cancer and I don't want to go through that again since my ponytail is getting long!

Even after having a needle plunged into my neck, I didn't even think about what it could be. When the results came back as benign, it was only then that I realised that it could have gone the other way. I think I felt that they had blasted me so much with chemo, that there can't be anything sinister growing. I don't think about the cancer coming back, even if it does, I kicked its ass once and I will do it again.

The scar when my portacath was removed is healing well and the pain is pretty much gone. I did have a friend comment on it today to say that I should start putting vitamin e cream on to reduce the scar. I put Bio Oil on my last scars and they are barely visible. I started thinking about my scar on my chest which is pretty visible. I am not embarrassed by it, I am not ashamed by it and I wear it proudly. I think of my scars and a sign of a battle that I fought and won.

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