I am not sure whether it was my time away, the time of year or that I am feeling better, but something has definitely changed. I am starting to feel more and more like myself, which is great. I have more energy and best of all - I have more hair! I am now able to put mascara on my own eyelashes and have had to start using hair product to control my unruly hair! My hair is just long enough to be messy (in small parts) in the morning. Who would have thought that I would be excited over having bed hair????? It is still very short, and my sister says that I look a bit like a koala because it is hairy over ears, but I am not inclined to get it cut yet as I want to avoid looking like Dr Spok. There is quite a bit of natural highlights in it (ie. grey), and it was pointed out that there is a bit of silver fox - but I like to call it silver foxiness. I will do some hair grooming before commencing my new awesome job in a few weeks.
Whilst I have been thinking about the future and making plans in the past week, today I started thinking about the past and how far I have come since the beginning of the year. I remember those days when it was an effort to get out of bed and get off the couch. I will never take my health for granted again. I hated that feeling of helplessness and having to rely on another person to help feed me, wash me and dress me. However, I am very fortunate to have had people who were there to help feed me, wash me and dress me. Well actually, the unhappy task of having to wash and dress me was taken up by my mother. She has been there every step of the way and I think she has felt it more than I have. She is one of the most amazing people I know and I will never take her for granted again.
Although I have been feeling optimistic about the future, I still have my poo-poo moments. I had one of these on Saturday. I was attending the wedding of a friend on Saturday afternoon and I was thinking about how I was going to another wedding alone. I knew the bride, had met the groom once and had met only one other wedding guest once. In the past, this wouldn't have been an issue for me, but I didn't feel I had the energy to make small talk with strangers for hours. I have started venturing out without anything on my head and was feeling self conscious about my hair (even though I am super excited to have it return), I still don't feel quite like I used to. I was feeling flat and sorry for myself; and I watched a documentary about people with dwarfism. They had a story about a woman who had a particularly rare form of dwarfism where she was less than 3ft tall and her joints were fused together. She was very independant, lived by herself, drove a car and was a teacher. I thought if she can do all this alone - then I can go to a wedding alone. It was then that they showed her celebrating her 28th birthday at her mother's house - where her boyfriend proposed to her!!!! I felt that this was the universe slapping me in the face and telling me to stop being such an idiot.
On the subject of being single, my six year old niece asked me why I didn't have a boyfriend. I told her that I didn't know the answer to that question. It was at this point that my four year old nephew raced in and said 'I know why you don't have a boyfriend Aunty Karen, it's because you use all your love on me'. He is very insightful for a four year old.
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NO more hair product for you - at least not before you check it for containing dangerous chemicals!! NO parabens (they mimic bad oestrogen and gather in your breast tissue) and a few other nasties but it should preferably be the most natural product you can get. Be aware of all ingredients in cosmetics and body products and check them out carefully.
ReplyDeleteThis is not a negative and I have found that there are beautiful safe products out there and one does not need to sacrifice looking good - actually these generally are more effective than the fancy expensive ones.