Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Storm in an E cup

After my radiation planning day, I thought the next time I would have to go to the clinic would be for treatment. I was wrong. I was called and advised that I had to go and have a 'dry run' on the machine, just to make sure the positioning was correct. I now think this was code for 'we didn't get it right the first time, but don't want to tell you that'. I was at Lana's house and she came to the appointment with me as a last minute decision. I am so glad that she did. I thought I would be there for 15 minutes, go on the machine, get into position and leave. How wrong I was.

It took four radiation technicians over two hours to find the right position to radiate me in. This is in addition to the hour they spent last time doing the same thing. I had to get three more tattoos and have another CT scan. I wasn't worried about radiation, I thought it would be easy. Lying there on the table, half naked in the freezing room, I couldn't believe that this was my life. I was surround by four strangers who were pulling, pushing, poking and talking about me like I was a piece of meat. It was so impersonal and undignified. I actually cried twice while I was lying there and none of the four people even noticed. I was so glad that Lana was with me, so at least I had someone notice that the 2 hours of half-naked imperonsal manipulation was not pleasant for me.

Even after the three hours of positioning, I am still not quite sure why it took them so long. I know I have to be on my stomach for the treatment due to the generous size of my girls, but surely they are not the biggest set they have had to radiate! I have been asked if they can take photos and use them in teaching presentations and also for a journal. I am not sure how I feel about this, as I really don't want them ending up on facebook! Now, I am not an expert on boobs and have seen my fair share in my life, but surely mine aren't that different from others. I left the hospital exhausted, feeling violated and thinking I have the weirdest boobs in Brisbane. This is another reason why it sucks to be single going through this, it would be nice to have a partner to assure me that my boobs are not weird and are not going to appear in a medical journal about freaky body parts. It would also be helpful to have a partner who can wash off all the pen marks they draw on my back.

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