Woo hoo for Moo Goo!

The last week of full head radiation is behind me - thankfully! I have to say, it was bloody tough. Whoever said that radiation was going to be easy peasey - is an idiot. That is right, that idiot was me! I had gotten through the last of my whole head treatment and could see the flickering light at the end of the tunnel. I had been feeling well enough to have a few outings during the week, all of which were followed up by long afternoon naps. Thursday night I was getting ready for bed and started to feel a bit off colour. It was at approximately 10pm that the Vomit Monster came to visit and didn't leave until 4am. Needless to say it was a very uncomfortable and sleepless night. The issue with brain swelling is that it not only causes headaches, but vomiting and nausea as well - it is all very chemo-like and not very fun at all. Although, I would like to comment that 6 hours of vomiting does wonders for your stomach muscles!

After a night of no sleep and the removal of most of the fluid from my body, I was feeling pretty horrid on Friday. I went to the hospital early so that I could be seen by a radiation oncologist. I literally dragged myself out of bed, put what ever clothes I could find on and went to the hospital. Of course, this would be the one and only time in the last 2 years and 3 months that I get to see a cute, lovely and young doctor!!!!!! Where is the justice???????? Given that my blood pressure was very low, I was feeling horrid, the power was lost to the radiation building which caused a 2.5 hour delay for treatment - I was allowed home without having my brain fried. This means that my treatment will finish on Tuesday, but I was happy to have a day off.

As mentioned in my last post, I had my hair clipped short and it was still falling out. My clothes looked like I had been attacked by some black short haired animal. When I say falling out, it was falling out pretty much everywhere - except a very stubborn tuft on the crown of my head. That is also the hair that grew straight up and took much product to flatten. Those are some tough hairs! After a few days of hair depletion, I realised that I started to resemble Sloth from the Goonies - so I attacked my head with a razor to try to regain some dignity. I am not sure if Sloth is an improvement on my Uncle Fester look of 2010, but I still felt it needed to go.

I have been continuing to smother my head in Moo Goo Scalp Cream and so far it seems to be holding itself together pretty well. I do not want to get too excited, because that is what I thought about my hair this time last week. I have been told that the week after radiation finishes your scalp gets much worse before it gets better. I have also noticed that my forehead is starting to look very tanned, so I feel that it fits in with my happy island cocktail image during radiation - at least I have the tan for it!

I have been thinking about going to away for a week with some friends when this thing is over. I have been reluctant to book anything, as I don't want to make plans and then have to cancel. If I am totally honest, I am also worried about going away and not having hair. I know the hair thing seems superficial, but to me it is a very big deal. This week I watched 18 months of hair growth go down the drain - literally. Part of me wants to be brave like the lady I met at radiation and the other part of me is too afraid to be so exposed in public. I know it seems stupid as people stare anyway and know I have no hair because of the scarf. No matter how many times people tell me I am brave and strong for going through treatment - it's not bravery when you have no choice, it is brave when you make the hard choice. I just don't think I am that brave.