One week down.

My first week of radiation is over and all I can say about it was that it was completely crap (I would have used a much stronger word, but my mother could be reading this at some point). The side effects knocked me around a lot and it felt similar to chemo. I was exhausted, had a headache, nausea, vomiting and dizziness. Add to this that my blood pressure, which has always been normal, has totally bottomed out. I can't stand up without feeling dizzy. It is a very strange feeling to know that your headache is caused by your brain swelling - it creeps me out.

I had treatment on Friday and a nurse came and spoke to me as another nurse was talking to her about me during their gym session that morning. She tried to take my blood pressure, but couldn't get a reading and my pulse was weak. I admitted to her that I had been feeling rubbish all week, but didn't want to admit how bad I had been feeling. I think that when you have gone through chemo - everything else seems tolerable, but this week has been a struggle. She suggested that I go to the emergency department and that they may admit me for a few days. I hate hospitals and I definitely hate sleeping in hospitals, so I wanted to avoid this as much as possible. Luckily there was still a radiation oncologist there and he gave me a long list of drugs to take over the weekend. I have felt better since being on the drugs and have even managed to go out with some friends.

For those of you who know me well, this will come as a surprise, but this week I haven't felt like going out or seeing anybody! I just want to crawl into my bed, go to sleep and wake up in March. I haven't felt like talking to anyone or seeing anyone, which I feel bad about because so many people keep sending me messages of support, but I have been struggling to reply to those. I do love the messages - so keep them coming, but don't hate me for the lack of response.

I think next week will be even harder as it is the week that I am likely to start losing my hair. I haven't put a brush through my hair at all this week, for fear that it will be full of hair when I finish. My scalp has started to feel itchy and irritated, but I am secretly hoping that this is a battle between my hair and the horrid radiation rays trying to evict it from my scalp. I am backing my hair all the way! I absolutely hated being bald. HATED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I particularly hated it when strangers looked at you, cocked their head to the side and gave you the 'cancer face'. I hate that face. When I see that face I just want to put my fist in the middle of it. No matter how many times people tell me about the fashionable hats this season, or remind me about the gorgeous scarves I have, I would still prefer to have my hair.

So, one week down and I survived. Here's hoping my hair survives next week.