Hi faithful followers of Karen's finding humour in my tumour blog. For those who don't know - Karen lost her battle with her tumour on Easter Monday night April 9th, 2012
She had been in hospitalised a week after her last post as the cancer was aggrivating her central nervous system and she could not longer walk and had minimal strength in both her upper and lower body.
Karen's condition worsened slowly over the last few weeks and throughout her treatment she and we her family were ever hopeful. They changed her treatment plan midway as they feared the original one was not working. Her stay in hospital was filled with visitors, watching MKR, using her phone to keep in touch with as many people as possible until she could not longer text.
She was brave and strong and I don't believe she was scared. It was Good Friday when it was obvious to us her last chance treatment was not working and by Sunday morning she was sleeping without waking up.
Her last night was Monday night and all her family and dearest friends were around her. We had dinner, some wine and sat around her chatting about her and remembering the better times. It felt like the last group of "stayers" after a great party all sitting around the table. I didn't think she would go with a party going on around her. We had to leave the room for the nurses to tend to her and when we got back she had turned her final corner and with us all there around her she passed away peacefully after only a few minutes.
Her funeral was on the Friday 13th April and was a great celebration of her life. She had lived 2 lives in her 37 years and had had a great time. I don't feel she would have had many regrets.
Over 500 people came to say goodbye. Greg Holmes walked her down the aisle as a pall bearer for her. Expresso Martinis were served at her wake. I helped my brother Shaun organise the funeral and wake and know she would have been happy!
I am Lisa, her sister and have been overwhelmed by how she touched so many people throughout her life - through her day to day interactions, inspiration and this blog.
Thanks to everyone who has been so supportive and kind to us over these last few weeks - they have been hard and the hard times are not over.
I am running in the Mother's Day Classic in her honour this year and from next year I will organise a team to walk for the Mother's Day Classic - with our Mother and her army of friends. I will keep her facebook account alive to communicate with her army.
If you would like to donate to Chicks in Pink to help support breast cancer sufferers like Karen please go to
https://register.eventarc.com/sponsor/view/85896/lisa-lum
I have posted her eulogy written by our older brother, Shaun and then by Sam Miller - her friend who represents her Army of friends.
If anyone needs to contact her family - please contact me Lisa Lum, on
lisa_lum@aapt.net.au.
Thank you,
Lisa
Whenever I have been called upon to
say a few words at a wedding or a birthday, I would always run my speech past Karen. I could always rely on her to give me her
honest opinion, so I hope she approves of this one.
If there ever was an emotive speech to deliver or story to
be read, in our family, Karen was the only one with enough composure to bring
it home. However, I think Karen would say on this occasion, ‘this is a very cry worthy
situation and it is definitely worth a tear or two million.’
Karen was born on the 11th of September at the Mater
Mother’s, the youngest of four children. Karen was always our baby sister and
she enjoyed a very close relationship with each of her siblings.
We had an idyllic upbringing. We had many days playing together in the
backyard or the pool, mum cooking big family dinners and we were treated to long
beach holidays. Karen used to ride to the Coast in the boot of Dad’s station wagon
with the luggage and the dog. Her mode of transport changed since, Karen bought
her own car and rode in the driver’s seat with the dog.
Karen attended primary school where
she made many friends for herself and her parents. She often fondly recalled
learning about the titanic in year 3 and later on she submitted an essay called
‘No drums and no trumpets’. You would think a statement about Karen’s attitude
towards people ‘banging on’ or ‘trumpeting themselves’. But no, it was a story about
the mysterious murder of Shirley Shirley and just didn’t feature a drum or a trumpet.
She then went on to an all girls high school, where she
learnt the value of true friendship, loyalty and acceptance and Sam Miller will
speak about those days in a moment.
Following school, Karen commenced her
chef’s apprenticeship and went on to complete her training successfully.
The hours were long and included weekend nights. So totally un Karen. She had
said that her intensive training had drained her love of cooking. Ironically
later on, Karen was to become a huge fan and discerning judge of Master Chef
and My Kitchen rules. Watching MKR became such an important part of her evening
routine in her final weeks. Karen never cooked much at home; I suspect she
didn’t like the high pressure of Mum’s Kitchen’s Rules.
Karen then made a brave move to opt
out of cooking and went back to school
externally. With the support of Mum and Dad, she was able to gain a place to
study in Marketing and Public relations. She earned her degree and gained
employment there for a while.
Karen then got a job with an international recruitment agency. Her
talents were soon recognised there and she was selected to be in their world
wide top 50 recruiters which was a tremendous honour and was sponsored to a
conference in Cambodia.
Karen always lived her life in the moment, she lived fully, she
lived freely and she was comfortable in her own skin. She was not encumbered by
a mortgage, was unconcerned by her finances and she had a job that she enjoyed.
She was loved by her family, her army of friends and her colleagues.
Karen was devoted her nephews and nieces as if they were her
own children. I am sure they will greatly miss their Aunty Karen. She deeply mourned
the loss of her new baby nephew, who she’ll now be united with in heaven.
Karen loved her dog. Not everyone,
including me, thought that cleaning up poop was a great thing to be doing
whilst on chemo, but in the end he was a great companion and comfort to Karen.
Karen was the life of the party. Her confident vibrant nature and smile would
light up the room. She could put people at ease with a friendly comment or a
kind gesture. She was very funny. Her
wit could be very dry or self deprecating and she had that big loud crazy
laugh. Making friends came easily Karen
but she treasured each friendship. Whenever you had a conversation with Karen,
you had a sense that she was with you, that she was listening and that she really
cared. She was always at the ready to offer a shoulder to cry on, comforting
words or wise counsel. She literally would drive thousands of kilometres to
offer practical assistance to any of her close friends and family in need. She also
helped feed the homeless at St Vincent de Pauls kitchen, provided counselling
at the refugee centre and took meals to Brisbane’s flooded.
Karen was stylish; she loved designer clothes and shoes. I am told that she
had a pair of Fendy shoes that despite the discomfort they caused, were her
favourites. The point of putting up with that is little lost on me. Karen was
merciless with her critique of my own fashion sense, particularly my recently
retired pair of circa 1990’s aviator sun glasses.
Karen was fearless. I recently reminisced with Karen about one trip up the
coast we did together. Unfortunately, half the way up the Bruce, I ran out of
petrol. It was in the days before any of us had mobile phones. After politely
informing me that she regretted my oversight, she promptly turned on her heal,
took a few paces up the road, stuck out
her thumb and hitched a lift with a passing car. At that moment, I was
wondering how I would explain this to mum and was quite relieved when she reappeared
some time later with a RACQ van.
Karen loved to travel. She was charged with escorting my Grandmother’s ashes to
South Africa and was going to be funded for the journey. Karen being Karen
booked an around the world ticket to Africa via the US, Canada and London.
Apparently, they had a ball. If Granny can guide her through Johannesburg
airport, the Pearly gates will be easy.
Sadly, soon after another trip away,
this time to South America’s Inca trail, Karen’s life imploded with the
discovery of a breast lump which
turned out to be cancer. She wasn’t sure what was worse at the time, the
diagnosis or Lisa in an attempt to cheer her up, took her to see the movie,
Twilight.
Karen’s subsequent surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy were a
tremendous ordeal for Karen, our family and particularly my mother. When her
hair fell out Karen was devastated. However, she was able to soon see the funny
side and she planted a picture of Kojak on her facebook page. However, not so
funny was when dad would get the two of us mixed up. Karen carried her families
and friends worries with her optimism and wry sense of humour. Karen was able
continue to work in the weeks between her recovery week and more chemotherapy. She
reclaimed her social life and got her eggs harvested with hopes for starting her
own a family sometime in the future.
Her wit and determination have been
captured forever in her Blog ‘Finding
Humour in my tumour’. It featured as
the cover story on the Brisbane’s City News Magazine (Karen looked very cool on
the cover), and the ABC website’s Health section. I am sure it inspired many women
fighting breast cancer, particularly single women, as well as her family and
friends.
Many of us will remember how Karen
often delighted in playing the Cancer
Card. It would guarantee her the
front seat of the car, get her out of washing up after Christmas dinner and she
used it to get her a picture with Alf from Home and Away.
Karen was a mad Reds fan before it was fashionable and
she never missed a game. Her favourite player for many years was Greg Holmes.
She greatly admired his loyalty to Queensland and his ability to smash ‘em. I
remember when she attended their last game at Ballymore, it was raining and
muddy. It was just a few days post a round of chemotherapy, her immunity was
low, she had a fever and mum was unable to persuade her to stay home. As I
said, Mad. Over the years, I think she was just as passionate about the 3rd
half in the corner bar and then to the 4th on Caxton Street.
Unfortunately, just as Karen was
finishing her chemotherapy, the Global
Financial crisis saw the end of her Brisbane office, and Karen was out of a
job. Karen climbed out of her sick bed and attended about 10 job interviews
before she was employed by the Specialist recruiting firm. . Her employers and the
whole team clearly loved Karen. They regarded her as a dedicated, enthusiastic
and intelligent team member. They tell me her quick wit and charm engaged the
most discerning executive and would often lead to a successful hunt. I understand she entertained the team each
morning with tales of her nocturnal adventures; such as Tuesday trivia,
Thursday Bundy’s, and Friday’s Expresso Martini’s.
Towards the end of last year,
Karen’s Portacath was removed. This was a device via which her chemotherapy
could be delivered. Her hair was growing long again and things were returning
to some normality. A bit niggling neck discomfort and a sudden severe headache and
nausea was the result of the cancer
spreading to her brain which required urgent surgery. Brave Karen bounced
back from the surgery remarkably quickly and she was released from hospital in
a few days.
A major highlight for Karen, in what turned out to be her last weeks
of reasonable health, came just a few days following her homecoming. A friend
had organised a surprise guest for morning tea. Karen writes in her blog ‘when
the doorbell rang, I almost fell over to find Greg Holmes in the doorway with
flowers. It was one of those rare moments in my life when I was stuck for
words. My feelings were a mixture of complete shock and relief that it wasn’t
Alf from Home and Away. Greg was the perfect gentleman but I felt like a bit of
a fraud because I didn’t feel sick enough to warrant such a visit.’ Greg Holmes is here today, and I thank
him for what he did for Karen.
Tragically, the cancer had quickly reappeared and
spread through her spinal cord. She
lost her mobility to walk and use her left arm. A new type of treatment brought
pause to the advancing disease temporarily and thankfully spared her famous
texting thumb which maintained her contact with the outside world. In her final
weeks, Karen always maintained her optimism, grace and dignity despite
increasing discomfort and disability.
I am absolutely devastated by the loss of my sister Karen. She has gone too
soon.
However, there are many things that I think we can be thankful for.
I am thankful for Karen’s thumb
That we got to see the Reds win the final and celebrate together.
That Karen found the humour in her tumour
The tidal waves love and tangible support Karen and our family have received
over the past 2 years, from Karen’s army of friends, friends of the family and
the Church Community.
The precious time we had with Karen and the great memories we have to
cherish.
That she knew how much she was
loved by her family and all of her friends.
That we had time we had to say goodbye. That nothing was left unsaid,
no emotion left unconveyed, that Karen’s suffering
has come to an end and that she is now resting in Heaven.
I am also thankful for;
Mum’s incredible resilience and strength that enabled her to be
in the trenches with Karen for every step of her struggle.
And For Dad’s unyielding belief that Karen would be okay. Indeed
he was right.
I was there with Karen during her last evening on earth. The atmosphere
was like being with the stayers at the end of a party. Karen was surrounded by
her immediate family, Father Jerome, three of her closest friends, mellow
music, pizza and wine. The lights were dimmed and there was the hum of good
conversation (mostly Karen stories). I am sure she loved her send off. Typically
Karen didn’t leave when it was time, she waited until well after the oldies had
left and the youngies were tiring. She held out for one more break through cocktail
and then she was gone.
Karen will be forever young and forever beautiful. We will miss her terribly.
Eulogy - by Sam Miller
Thanks
Shaun, my name is Sam Miller,
I have been friends with Karen
since grade 8 at Loreto where we bonded outside the Home economics classroom,
by outside I mean literally, we were banished outside, due our Mothers sewing
our animal print pants and us having to unpick the pants, which took an entire
term.
Today the Pandy family asked me
to represent a very important part of Karen’s life, her friends. I stand up
here, representing the “Army” of friends that have gathered today, not to
mention her 299 Facebook friends that Karen treasured and loved during her 37
years of life.
I can honestly say I’ve never
meant anyone with so many friends, but my dear loyal troops, you were all so
important to Karen, in so many ways. During the past few years she thrived on
your love and support.
I’d like to start off by given an
insight into what you all meant to Karen. She would always talk to me about her
friends – new and old. She would never just say “Mary and I”, she would say “My
Friend Mary and I went to lunch for 3 hours and we talked for a further 3 hours”,
hmm the talking for 3 hours never surprised me, but I often felt guilty that I
didn’t know - my friend Mary - as she would be very important to Karen. But I realized over the years for Karen using
the word friend was her way of connecting with people, it put the relationship at
that special level, you had Karen’s respect and she valued you.
Having so many friends was a
gift for Karen, she was so open to meeting new people and was so warm and
comfortable with them. Her social
network was huge, in her blog she would mention how wonderful it was to know
that so many people loved and supported her and this kept her going on many of
her dark days. She took great joy in the
diverse range of friends she had acquired and loved organizing events each
weekend, many of which became adventures. This was exciting to her and made her
life so full. She would go out at least
3-4 times a week, which would exhaust a normal person, but not Karen, I think
this is why she was the faster texter in Australia, when you have over 300
contacts to keep up with you need to be able to text quickly! We are not the
only ones to notice her phone lovathon, My 6 year old daughter made a comment
yesterday that she hopes Aunty Karen can take her phone to Heaven, so she can
text her to see what it’s like!
I always felt she loved having
so many people whom she connected with and who could share many moments with
her. This was Karen’s life and that’s why friends were such an integral part of
who she was.
I remember her 354h
birthday party, it was more than just a birthday it was a celebration of her
strength and courage with her battle against breast cancer. The preparations
began and the arduous task of who to invite was an initial issue. From memory, it was a decided a smaller party
would be best, for most people that would be 20-30 people for Karen it was 90
of her closest friends.
With the arrival of Barney social
events were now scheduled around the outings to dog parks. The inseparable pair held ‘rock
star status’ on Brisbane roads, driving around in Cookie with this Hairy horse.
It was a sight to be seen, with Karen trying to restrain Barney, which was a
difficult task while driving, in many cases people would take photos because it
looked like Barney was driving!
In my mind, being Karen Pandy’s
friend is a special privilege that we all enjoyed. Which brings me to the
second part of my speech today, what it meant to have Karen as a friend.
The wonderful Ann-Maree, summed
it up beautifully, she is the benchmark of a Best friend. You often hear people
talking about having a good friend and what they have done that makes them
special, then someone might trump them with another friends good deeds but as
Ann-Maree pointed out, no one can trump Karen as a friend – she was the
benchmark friend, the friend of the highest standard. There are so many stories
of Karen being there for people in times of need that it would take me 2 hours
to get through!
But I would like to bring up a few;
the first one that comes to mind is a story Karen’s faithful friend Karyn told.
It was during the Brisbane floods and it was mayhem, traffic was a nightmare,
Karyn and Mark had just renovated their lovely home at Graceville and the
floods had hit them badly. The first thing that Karen did was jump into Cookie
to try and help, it was an ordeal, a 3 hour journey, but this didn’t deter
Karen, she never once thought about turning around, she wanted to be there to
help her friend.
Ann-Maree talked about the time
Karen flew to Sydney to be by Ann-Maree’s side, Karen had just finished a round
of chemo and was very ill but nothing was going to stop her support her friend
at this time.
Karen was the best person to
pick you up again, her magic smile would light up your heart instantly and her
razor sharp wit was the best cure for any situation. Sometimes that wit was so
fast I would be laughing at the first one liner and miss the others, one day
she said to me, “Mate, keep up, your missing some of my best work.”
This benchmark of friendship
became the norm for my family. As you all know Karen was an awesome chef, she
had that acute ability to taste and smell everything item that was in a dish. She
shared this love of food with my husband who is also a chef. One day Karen
received the emergency call from Steve, in Steve’s true Gordan Ramsay style he
yelled down the phone “ Pandy get here now I’ve burnt the cake” Karen raced
down to our house, she entered the kitchen and with a sigh of relief my mother
in law said to everyone, “the bridesmaid
to the rescue” And Karen replied, “ I didn’t know it was a job for life!”
But that’s what Karen did.
Her charm and vivaciousness was
one of the best things, I loved about Karen.
Karen’s greatest Love
On
behalf of the army of friends I’d like to finish today by talking about Karen’s
greatest love, her family. Everyone hear
today would know something special about a member of the Pandy family. One of her
favorites was her mock disappointment when George, her nephew,
became old enough to realize that his aunt couldn't be his girlfriend!
To Craig, Shaun and Lisa, she
absolutely loved having you three as her siblings.
She had a special bond and love
for each of you.
Craig, she idolized you, were
always the big brother.
Shaun or Shaz bootie she had a
special connection with you on so many levels, you were the voice of reason.
Lisa she adored you, she would
have been so proud of you over the past month, I remembered she used the words
“remarkable” to describe your love and support.
She treasured all the little
bits of the kid lives that are important to parents but they were also an
essential part of Karen’s life.
And finally to Helene and
Geoff, your relationship with Karen is best summed up with her extended time
living at home.
I would often ask, “don’t you
want to move out”
and she would reply, “Why? My parents don’t annoy
me!”
She loved and admired their
marriage, she would say after 40 years my parents still go on date nights. She
said that her parent’s relationship with each other was what she felt love should be and she would never
settle for anything less. As Karen became
more ill she said that the best thing in the world is a hug from your mum or
dad.
She was a great mate with Geoff,
she was his protector, although not a fan of his jokes! Helene she loved your
outlook on life, she loved your food, she loved your laughter, she loved your
kindness, she was fully aware of your loss earlier in your life and how you
nourished and loved your children. Over the past few months, Karen would often
mention how awesome, amazing and brilliant you were during this time that she
loved you and Geoff so much.
I would like to make a pledge
on behalf of the army that we will continue to support the Pandy family just as
Karen supported all of us.
And finally I would like to
finish with one of Karen’s wishes for today. Many years ago, prior to Karen having breast
cancer, Ann-Maree and Karen had a random conversation and it went like this:
Karen asked, “ Ann-Maree what
would say at my funeral?”
Ann-Maree responded with
surprise and dismay, “why would I be at
your funeral?”
Then Ann-Maree paused and thought for a minute, and then asked,” Well, what would you
say at my funeral?”
Karen replied quickly “Nothing why would I be at your funeral?”
10 minutes passed and out of
the blue, in the middle of a different topic, Karen said ”But if you had to be
at my funeral, make sure you remind everybody how long and thin my legs were.”
My friend Karen, with the long
thin legs, you will be missed.
